Livinism

We are born, we live, we die.

When we are born, a process that occurs within hours, for some the process could take days to come into the world. We all take our first breath.


Then magically ‘LIFE’ begins.

How long is life? This is different for each and every one of us, what is not different is that ‘LIFE’ has begun for all of us.

Then we die, a process that comes in a split second for some, a few days or weeks for others or a slow decline over a few years for the rest. Fact is eventually we all find our end of time.

It is the in-between taking our first breath to taking our last breath that is the precious moments which is the true gift. The time when we breath this is our longest moment in life!! This is our moment living in-between the first and the last breath and all those breaths we take during that time are the breaths of life.

So if you are not living that moment, living through those breaths you take away the magic of the precious gift you have been given.

We should all be enjoying our life.

Making the quality of life the grandest it can be for ourselves.

We all face issues, decisions, dilemmas, good moments, bad moments, sad moments. They are all parts of life. Maybe, just maybe if we look beyond the obvious, yes we are born, yes we live, yes we die, and ask ourselves what is the quality of our life? What makes you live? What makes you happy? What puts the magic in your gift of life? Then we may find that we are truly happy within our own lives with each breath we take.

Make your in-between life, a life you enjoy living!!

Do what you have not done, do what brings a harmonious sound to your ears, a twinkle in your eyes, a smile to your face, a laughter to your voice, a stronger beat in your heart, a flutter in your stomach, a weakness in your knees, a skip in your step.

GET OUT of the everyday rut of life you are in and LIVE.

Find love, joy, humour, passion, hope, wonder, creativity, curiosity, intimacy in your everyday life and SHARE them with anyone you interact with. The return of this is far more fulfilling than not. Be sympathetic & understanding even when it does not make sense to you cause maybe it just might start making sense if you open your eyes and your heart to the possibilities.

What is more important to anyone than ‘LIFE‘?

Without ‘LIFE’ nothing else would matter, not money, not love, not our job, not our home, nothing!! So that is the reason to LIVE YOUR LIFE!!

Since you are reading this, you must be alive now the question is, "Are you living"?

“When I was 5 years old my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down, ‘HAPPY‘. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand LIFE”. - John Lennon

Break & Breatheism

When you feel overwhelmed, standing alone in a field of weeds… Take a break & just breathe!!

There can be times when life gets to be TOO MUCH!!

TOO MUCH TO:
Think about, Focus on, Analyze, Decide upon, Figure out, Understand or even Explain!!

That is ok when life gives you that moment in time.

If we had all the answers of life in the beginning of our life, we would have an uneventful, unfulfilling life that we live, as we would have no lessons to learn, choices to make, things to figure out and that makes a part of life that makes it worth getting to the good stuff.

Learning takes ups and downs, it is a process that IS a part of life. So take the downs, the unanswered questions of life and accept them and even more accept that we do not have all the answers when we are faced with them. How long it will take to get the answers that we need? No one knows, as we are each individuals who face life’s obstacles in different ways. My obstacles might NOT be TOO MUCH for someone else when they are TOO MUCH for your own self. We are all different, we all handle things differently.

If you find yourself disappearing in the weeds and can not see a way out, just take a break and breathe. You may not find your way through the weeds in that moment but giving yourself the chance to breathe may just give you a different view which allows you to realize that you are the flower that is still growing amongst the weeds that surrounds you. That break may allow you to see the sun is shining down on you to give you the strength to deal with your “Too Much” moments. That break allows you to do just that... take a break and breathe.

"When you are too busy looking, you may become too busy to see." - Nelika Jo

“Fear less, hope more. Whine less, breathe more. Talk less, say more. Hate less, love more. And all good things will come.”
- Author Unknown

Candleism

Candles have magic.

We already know one kind of candle magic that most of us have used already without even giving it much thought. Birthdays!!

We use the candle magic when we celebrate our birthday or someone else’s birthday. The candles adorn the top of the birthday cake, representing each year of our life, and a wish is made prior to the candles being blown out. Have you ever wondered where this came from? Most probably not,you just accept this tradition, make a wish and blow out the candles in hope that your secret wish comes true. You believe in the magic of the candle without ever questioning why.

Here is a little history on birthday cake candles:
The tradition of placing candles on birthday cake is attributed to early Greeks, who used to place lit candles on cakes to make them glow like the moon. Back then the cakes were always round which represented the moon.
Other believe the custom generated in Germany where people would place a large candle in the center of the cake to symbolize the ‘light of life’.

I never recall ever asking why? Why do we make a wish on our birthday? Why do we blow out candles? I just did it and believed. Probably just as you do.

Let me teach you of another kind of candle magic. One that you don’t have to wait until that special day of the year to use. This kind you can use anytime you like or need to.

First thing, imagine a candle flickering before you. The flame dancing just above the candle, the puddle of wax that is melting just beneath the flame, maybe you can even see a hint of smoke rising from the flame, now become aware of how soothing and calming the candle makes you feel. You have suddenly relaxed watching the candle burn.


Now do you ever recall arguing over candlelight? It does not happen. The candle magic does not allow it. When you feel like you are up against a brick wall, full of anxiety anticipating yet another senseless argument, get a candle or even a few out. Light them and place them between you and the other person or other people.

Ta-da, the candle not only has a magic way of relaxing you, it relaxes everyone else. The brick wall is now replaced with a clear surrounding.

If you find you and your family are sitting down at dinner discussing the days events, tensions begin to elevate and arguments erupt bring the dinner to a sudden halt, try lighting candles at the table before the dinner begins. You may be amazed at the transformation that takes place and what once was an aggravating dinner has now turned into an event that you look forward to having together. You do not even have to tell the others at the table about the candle magic, just like no one explains to you why you make a wish when you blow out the candles on a birthday cake. Unless you are dealing with people who are too rushed to even notice the candles and in that case you can just make a comment that will direct their attention for a moment to the candlelight. We all know there are some people out there that need that little bit of guidance.


Candles have a way of making you believe in their magic without explanation.

One very important note to keep in mind, if you are in the middle of an argument, do not run for a candle. That would be like starting a race at the finish line, no time to warm up, prepare or appreciate the race you just ran. You need to allow the candle time to burn the magic into the air.

“There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle” - Robert Alden

Excusism

Have you ever faced a decision you did not want to make? Perhaps you were just undecided giving it a maybe, maybe not. You may have thought to yourself, “this is to hard” or “I just cannot make up my mind”.

I am sure you have, we have all had decisions to make throughout our life.

Some people have even had to wait for someone else to make a decision that personally affected their own life.

How many excuses did you make to keep you from making that decision?

What if
Maybe
And
But
If only
Or
It’s just
Because
What about
Then again

These are all some of the ways you start making these excuses.

There is no need to frustrate yourself or others in your life by making excuses. Take a moment, think it through without all the excuses, then decide. Yes or No.

Worrying about a decision is like rocking in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it does not get you anywhere!!

So do not waste time with worrying or excuses. Just make the choice and rock away the worries.

"If you really want to do something, you will find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse." - Jim Rohn

Remember this:

"Decisions are simple.
It is either 'YES' or 'NO',
Everything else is just an excuse."
- Nelika Jo

Fixerism

A ‘FIXER’ definition: A person who makes arrangements for other people.
There are a lot of people in this world who posses this ability.

Understanding there is a big difference between a person who focuses on problem solving and a person who is a ‘FIXER‘. A problem solver does just that, looks for solutions to solve a specific problem, whereas a ‘FIXER’ goes a step beyond problem solving. A ‘FIXER’ feels the need to educate others about how the problem arose, how the solutions can fix the problem and how to prevent the problems form reoccurring in the future. A ‘FIXER’ is not satisfied with just finding the solution. Many times a ‘FIXER’ can simply find many solutions to a specific problem, they are not content with just finding a possible solution. They need to find the solution that fixes the problem. They also need to explain how the solutions fixes the problem. A ‘FIXER’ will not stop the search for solutions, many times they will continue to search, if they must, until the problem has been resolved.

The ‘FIXER’ needs to understand there is a limit. That limit is knowing that you can not always fix everyone’s problem. Stop thinking so much, it is alright not to know all the answers.

Every person is an individual who needs to find their own way, make their own mistakes and live their own experience. Even find their own solutions.

"You cannot show someone how to see the light when they are not willing to open their own eyes." Nelika Jo

The Unbornism

Overwhelming excitement to complete devastation in a fraction of a moment is the only way to describe the emotion someone feels when they loose a baby. For each person who has experienced this, although the circumstances could vary, the pain they feel has similarities. The once hopeful, joyous moment is now replaced with the complete sadness along with empty arms. As time passes by, you find ways to come to terms with this sudden loss, however, it is a moment that you never forget as it continues to reside in a place within your mind and deeper inside of your heart, no matter how many days or years pass by.

I would like to share a touching poem with you from a mother who experienced this very kind of loss. Writing this poem is what helped her come to terms with her loss.

At our first ultrasound, you looked perfect

There was only one thing missing

Your sweet little heart beat

When I seen this was true

My heart broke in two

The loss of my baby

The one I never got to meet

Words can’t explain the pain I felt that day

The baby I was anxiously waiting for

Had sadly gone away

I cried many tears, I cried many day

But nothing will bring you back

It’s time I accept that

I will move forward, but not move on

You will be in my heart forever

To me, you will never be gone

For now you are my angel

You rest peacefully in heaven now, with many watching over you

I will find peace, knowing you are watching over me too

By those here on earth

And the ones in heaven you already know

Daddy and I miss you so terribly already

But we will hold you in our arms one day, when the time is ready

Love, Mommy

Author - Casey Reid

As alone as you may feel suffering through this time, just know that what you feel has been felt by many others. This does not alleviate your pain, it only lets you know there are others who can relate and will understand. For some this tragedy remains a secret, for some this is only shared with those close to them during that time, you just never realize how many have lived through this kind of loss.

"We asked God for a baby, instead he gave us an Angel" - Author Unknown

Discovering Yourselfism

There may be times in one's life in which we might ask ourselves, "Who am I?"

We tend to get lost in life. We can loose ourselves based on many different scenarios. Climbing a corporate ladder, relationships, raising our children, loosing a loved one, being alone. Regardless of the circumstances that leads us to ask this very question, "Who am I?" Quite simply it is that we are "lost". We have come to be aware of an empty feeling, a 'VOID' in our life.

You could have come to this conclusion slowly over a period of time or it could have arisen just waking up one day while you pondered your life. Now you find yourself in the moment asking, "Who am I?" You could spend some time analyzing HOW you got to this point. Should you do this? I would suggest you only spend a bit of time evaluating your life to obtain a better understanding of what led you to this 'VOID'.

Knowing the answer to 'HOW' may not remove the 'VOID', however it could help you to understand what happened in your life that you neglected, or allowed to happen so that you may now be aware of what it was that had your reach the 'VOID' point to prevent it from reoccurring. The 'VOID' is here so now what? You can spend endless days and nights struggling to fill this void. Do not waste away your precious time searching for 'FILLS' that will only sugar coat the situation temporarily. ‘FILLS’ are quick fixes that just do not last long enough to make a difference. Instead of using ’FILLS’, start searching and discovering yourself so that you can remove the 'VOID'. You might be sitting there now saying, "I know myself pretty well already!" If that is the case, then you have your answer and there is NO void. You should know that knowing one's self is an on-going process. We are human beings with ever changing lives, with changing circumstances. So, really self-discovery does not have a finality to it.

Now why spend time discovering yourself if we change over time? This is why. We all have our own basic make-up. Our own likes, dislikes that we are well aware of. I, personally, dislike spinach. This does not waver for me. I KNOW THIS! Now, do not mistake this for meaning a person who does not like spinach may one day discover, even though they previously disliked spinach, a new taste which makes them thoroughly like and enjoy spinach. I, myself, do not see ever finding that taste or day that I will like spinach. I am ok with that. We each have our own basic make-up, which only you know that about yourself better than anyone else.

What I recommend is taking time to expand your basics. Get to know what makes YOU happy. What do you yourself enjoy doing? What makes you smile? What makes you happy? What gets you excited about life? What have you done lately that has allowed you to focus on that smile, that happy place, that excitement? Most likely you have spent many hours, days or maybe even weeks or months dwelling on the 'VOID' which does not fix or fill it.

One of life's important lessons to learn is NO ONE but YOU can create your own happiness. You are the only one who can remove the 'VOID'. NO ONE is responsible for making you happy except yourself.

Spend some time learning and discovering yourself. When you do this, then take action! The 'VOID' begins to disappear as you suddenly make the changes that you need to in order to remove it. As I said, filling a void is different than removing the void. When you dedicate more time to discovering yourself, living the life you have, you can create the life you want. When you discover the things that make you happy, enjoy them and allow yourself to be happy. Miraculous changes will occur that previously you never imagined were possible. Your life becomes more fulfilled. When this happens, you will see changes for the better. These changes occurred by you discovering yourself. The 'Void' you may presently have in your life does not need to follow you into the future, remove it. You will find this an easier task to take on once you spend some time focusing on your own self-discovery. Do not beat yourself up if you are feeling lost. It happens.

Just know if you are lost, it gives you the chance to be found. Self-discovery is a journey only you can make for yourself.

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. Aristotle

Ageism

I have heard age is just a number many times in my life as I am sure all of you have as well. Perhaps it is to some but not to me! Yes, age is a number, however it is so much more than just another year gone by.

I believe age is significant to life! Firstly, it defines stages of life. When someone tells a story about someone, they may not say my infant son so you think of those early years in a child's life, where if they talk about getting a learner's license, most likely they are talking about their teenager. After all a 1-year old does not get a driver's license while a 16 year old would. With each day, week, month, year comes Experience. With each experience comes Lessons. With each lesson comes Wisdom. Now, what comes after we experience all these first? I once asked myself that very question while pondering my future.

We all have some kind of 1st:

*1st word *1st step *1st day of school *1st best friend *1st crush *1st love *1st car *1st job *1st home *1st marriage *1st child *1st grandchild

You get the idea, we have alot of 1st that we look forward to in each of our lives. Some we use as milestones which we look forward to reaching. Not everyone's 1st are the same but we all do share that we have 1st throughout our lives.

So, what comes after all these first? What's left? AGE!! Take a moment to jump forward many years. Whatever your age is now, add a bunch more years onto that. Make yourself as old as you possibly could imagine living to be. Now, at that age what do you have have left to look forward to?

As much as I struggled with this question, I found an answer. Memories!! Stories to share. A life to reflect on. Just as you have heard that phrase, "Age is just a number", I bet you have heard this next phrase too, "Life is short". We hear that all the time but it does not seem to have the same impact as taking that moment to glance ahead and be excited to know you are living your life TODAY which is creating the memories, the stories, the wisdom, the life that you lived, giving you a life to reflect. I do not know how you may feel about this but I know that when I reach an age to reflect, I want to know that I have lived a life that gives me endless stories, memories and a whole lot of moments to reflect on! Live your life today so that you have a life to reflect on.

Don't just count your years, make your years count. Ernest Meyers

Selfishnessism

Selfishness can be a lonely place for one person.

Have you ever met someone so incredibly selfish, they have no consideration for others feelings? So selfish, they can only do for someone else when there is some sort of personal gain for themselves? A selfish individual stands alone. We should not be angry at these kinds of individuals. Although at times, this can be easier said than done. Instead of being angry, we should feel sorry for them. Perhaps they have such low self-worth or could be so terribly unhappy in their lives this is their only defense. It may be their only escape from their reality.

Now, I am not suggesting you accommodate their disorder, just be aware that there is not always a need to understand, just accept this so that you learn valuable life lessons.
1. Selfish people can make it easy for you to be thankful. Thankful that you are different than these types of people. Without them, we have no white/black, up/down, on/off or positive/negative in life, which creates balance. Balance in necessary to appreciate the good side of life.
2. Most selfish people are the most defensive about their habit, their choices. They are quick to defend their actions and even quicker at denial. Denying for them is justifying what they clearly do not want to admit, acknowledge or even willing to consider as a fault of their own.
3. Get ready, this one is HUGE!! Understanding that a certain amount of selfishness is needed in each and every person’s life. The reason I say this is, without it, you take a chance, a risk, of laying out a doormat with the single word intertwined in the fibers of the mat that clearly states, “WELCOME”. A doormat gets walked on over and over. When the words “WELCOME” is clearly displayed to a selfish person, it is nothing more than an invitation to a selfish person, who will thrive on you and walk all over you, over and over again.

So, it is ok to reserve a bit of selfishness for just you. The difference between this and the one’s who abuse it, is the degree of how much selfishness you use.

Here is a good way to dose yourself with a small, but fair amount of selfishness.
Ask yourself these questions:
Does it hurt someone else?
Is it taking away what someone needs? Keeping in mind a ‘need’ and a ‘want’ are VERY different.
Is this making you a better person?
Are you giving as much as you take?

Be ok with retaining a certain amount of selfishness. It is only wrong when answer ’YES’ to the first two questions and ’NO’ to the last two questions. You wouldn’t hold guilt inside if you are reserving just a portion of selfishness for just you. Someone who abuses selfishness, abuses themselves.

Remember when dealing with a selfish person, they can ONLY take what we ALLOW them to take from us.

“It is under the greatest adversity that there exists the greatest potential for doing good, both for oneself and others.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

Missing the Momentism

One day while visiting my daughter, whom had just begun starting a new life with her boyfriend in the home they share together, had decided to plant her first vegetable garden. She was filled with joy preparing the ground that would be dedicated to being her "new garden", planting the variety of seeds in rows alongside each other. Carrots, radishes, lettuce, peas and squash.

As the days and weeks passed, I received updates on the changes of her garden. The initial seedlings making their way to the surface, to the uncurling of leaves and the growth of vines, then to the day of the first sightings of vegetables revealing themselves. It was a pleasure to be a part of hearing the “awe” in her voice and listening to the pleasure she was receiving in feeling so accomplished in creating and none the less nurturing her 1st vegetable garden.

On this particular day of visiting her, She & I walked out to her garden and took the time to look upon each individual row and all the flourishing plants within it, talking about the vegetables that she had already enjoyed picking and eating from her garden. She was expressing her self-satisfaction which was well deserved since she had never been able to keep even a small houseplant alive.

I suggested we go over to see how the potatoes were doing that had been planted away from the garden on a small, nearby hillside. She was not as enthused about the potatoes given that she did not believe they were doing so well do to the locations they were planted in. Not much attention had been given to the surrounding area, considering that she lives on an acreage and the hillside was covered in nature’s own wild growing plants and weeds. We actually had to search amongst the existing foliage just to find the potato plant that at this point had already begun to wither, wilt and die away. It did not look promising. Still thought why not at least get a shovel and check to see if any of the plants actually did produce some potatoes.

I plunged the shovel into the dried, hard soil, knowing the potatoes did not stand much chance to push soil aside in order to grow and expand. This soil was not a fine mound of well blended compost, instead it was clumps of solid dirt infused with various sized rocks from pebbles to larger baseball sized stones. As I lifted the plant from beneath the ground, suddenly there was a glimpse of potatoes that were attached to the roots of the plant that had begun dying above the surface of the ground. My daughter jumped for joy and squealed a joyous victory. She had successfully grown baby potatoes.

As I collected the potatoes from the plant and dug out the ones that still remained entombed deeper in the earth, I placed them in her hands. She smiled and continued to express the happiness she was feeling. She grasped the potatoes in her hands and turned away and began walking into the house. I asked, "Where are you going?" She responded, “Inside, I have to show my boyfriend our potatoes, he is cooking dinner and we have to add these potatoes to tonight’s dinner menu.” I followed shortly behind her to arrive inside the house to overhear the conversation she was having with her boyfriend. She was telling him to come outside with her while she dug up more potatoes so he could see them. He declined stating that he was in middle of preparing this large meal that needed all his attention to get it done in a timely manner. I stood there silently thinking to myself, how sad. You are missing this moment with her, a moment that you will never get to experience again. Although she may plant many gardens, dig up many more potatoes, she will never have the “Christmas morning child-like excitement” that she is having at THIS very moment. You are missing it and you would only have to pause everything for a brief for minutes and this should be worth that time to forever have shared in this moment, this memory that she will have right now.

As we sat down at dinner enjoying the extravagant meal they had prepared, including the fresh from the ground baby potatoes, I couldn’t help but to think about the moment he missed. I was still sad for both of them. For her for wanting to share her moment with him and for him for not understand or seeing the obvious due to a time restriction that he had put on himself.

Days later after returning home, I was talking on the phone to my daughter and in our conversation I brought up the sadness I had felt for him missing this moment she had tried to share with him. This was her response, “At that moment when I tried to get him to come outside and he did not, those potatoes went from being “OUR” potatoes to “MY” potatoes. We both laughed.

Her quick-witted response made me realize that although there are moments in our lives when we want to share it with others and do not have others there to enjoy or appreciate that moment, it does not belittle the moment or take away that moment and make it any less. Furthermore, I was able to realize that he may have missed that specific moment, however, he has his own moments with her that he has made a point to take part in.

It is ok to know we may not enjoy ever person’s moments, it’s ok too if the moments matter to no one than just ourselves. So enjoy the moments of others as well as your own every chance you get and be content in the chance to have them whether you created them or they are those of others.

“Some moments are nice, some are nicer, some are even worth writing about.” Charles Bukowski